i find myself coping with psychological mechanisms.

i scheduled three interviews three days in a row this week. the one tomorrow is for a receptionist job in the morning. the other two are video/virtual interviews. i've noticed that i've been avoidance coping so i don't have to think about how shitty my life is. i'm not sure that's really healthy considering my medical condition but i got concerta to keep me running! just hope nothing bad happens.. but if i play my cards right and take rests when i really feel tired.. i should be okay- otherwise.. I GOT THIS! you like that? i'm using your neglectful tools to dig myself a hole! then your job will be easy and you can attempt to get money outta me for your kids' trust funds! that is of course if you steal my brother's inheritance from me.. which i wouldn't put past you. she's just encouraging me to intentionally overwork to avoid dealing with personal issues, difficult emotions, relationship problems, or trauma at home. *CLAPS* MY GRANDMA WOULD BE PROUD! i actually was sitting in the lyft vehicle today on my way to sabathani and i must've looked and sounded troubled because the lyft driver asked me if i was alright when i sighed today in his vehicle in tears. i said, "yeah." through my teeth because i was feeling so frustrated with all these damn interviews i go to and they OBVIOUSLY have the idea that i'm qualified to work the job if they're gonna take time to interview me and then they see how i'm disabled during the interview and discriminate against me. i just can't convince anyone to hire me.. not even with my work experience. the disability disqualifies me from appearing that i function like a normal working person. i hope i come across someone who doesn't let the damn cane cloud their judgment and they actually give me a chance at working.